Blog #1 - The Pickup Truck

Blog #2 - I Just Want To Be With You

My mom passed away last year - 7 months to be exact & it about broke my heart.

It just sucks.  No other way to describe it.

Death is so strange because it’s the most final moment I’ve ever experienced.

In a world where so much seems to be reversible, death is not.

When my mom came to town to visit she would always toot around with me.

She would ride in the car with me to pick the girls up from school,

run errands or just sit by the pool while I swam laps.

At times I felt bad because she would just be with us, not doing what she wanted

but just hanging with us while we buzzed thru our world.

I told her I felt bad and she said “Honey, it doesn’t matter, I just want to be with you”.

Life is slowing down a bit for me recently & I absolutely love it.

Most of all because I get to have more spontaneous moments with my girls.

It doesn’t matter what they are doing, if they want me around, I am there in a heartbeat.

I just want to be with them.

I really understand why my mom didn’t mind being the passenger in my car all those times.

So what is my point?

Spend time with those you love,no matter what it entails.

Because once they’re gone, you’ll realize it didn’t matter what you did.

All that mattered was you were together.

Happy Mothers Day to all the mom’s out there❤️

Blog #3 - Broken Relationships

A broken relationship can be awkward…especially when your paths continue to cross because of your job, kids, vicinity or circle of friends.

I don’t have many broken relationships, but the ones I do have, have been a confusing situation in my adult life.

For me, usually the breaking up is because it doesn’t feel like a healthy relationship.

I used to struggle with this concept because I was more of a people pleaser when I was younger.

Now it is so clear to me, why in the world would I want to spend time around someone when it doesn’t feel good?  When you have healthy relationships, it’s real easy to spot/feel the unhealthy ones.

But age also has done something new that confuses this situation even more for me.

It has soften my heart. 

So I often find myself at a crossroads…forgive and forget?  

Or continue to guard myself …” first time shame on them, second time shame on me”

I find myself not worrying about this until the inevitable awkward run in.

When the run in happens I walk away & 99% of the time feel bad about it.

I want to reach out & talk thru things, explain, listen & mend.

I think I feel bad because ultimately deep down I wish things were different.

But then I realize they aren’t.  Kind of like an ex-boyfriend - there was a reason for the breakup to begin with.

So what’s my point?

I think I am finally accepting the fact that broken relationships are part of life & it’s O.K. 

You can smile. You can be kind.  But it’s ok if you don’t ultimately get back to where you once were.

As my mom would say…”it is what it is, so let it go”.

❤️, Courtney

Blog #4 - Anger

My sister told me this quote awhile back & it has stuck with me: “Anger simply means one thing: you have a problem & haven’t come up with a solution. Once you find a solution, the anger dissipates.”

I also love the quote:“Anger corrupts the container it is carried in.”

Both of these quotes speak to me big-time…

The hard part for me is admitting it, admitting that I’m not a victim, I am part of the solution & need to get moving in order for things to shift.

Awhile back when I would get angry I would wait for the circumstance to change.

As I’ve gotten older I realize that I’m the one that needs to make the change. It’s pretty humbling.

I mean how cool is it that our mind/body has a natural alert system that tells us we need to take a good look in the mirror.

It’s freeing don’t you think? That we have the control to move thru the emotions that don’t feel good, that can make us bitter, jealous, confused, sad & plain ‘ole angry.

So next time you’re in that “place” & we alllll know that place - whether you want to admit it or not…

Remember you have the ability to change it - like the quote says 

“In order to get to it, you have to move thru it.”

Happy Memorial Day!

❤️, Courtney

Blog #5 - Adulting

I’m having many moments recently where I’m realizing my parents probably had no idea what they were doing while raising us. Let me make sure I’m clear about this - they did a great job, but do any of us really know what we are doing?? You can go to a therapist, lean on your past experiences, you can talk to wiser, older mentors, you can go to church, you can read but at the end of the day we are just human beings navigating thru new experiences every single milestone we hit & every single day we are fortunate to wake up to. For some reason when I was younger I assumed every experience my parents were going thru with us wasn’t new, but one they were familiar with & could guide us thru.

When the girls were younger & would ask me questions that I didn’t really have the answer to, my instinct at the time was to be “confident” in my lack of a confident answer. I didn’t want them to think I didn’t know - after all I was the parent, I should know. My instinct now is to let them know I have no idea the answer to what they’re asking but I will do my best to find out. It feels better to be more “human” to them.

And what comes from this - what comes from me realizing that my parents did the best they could - grace & understanding. Age really does allow you to see things differently - as Bruce Springsteen once said “Age gives you a wider lens to look thru.” So what is my point? Be patient with those that you think should have all the answers - they’re human just like you.

❤️, Courtney

Blog #6 - Bitter or Better

So let’s talk Instagram or any other social media platform for that matter.

I have a love hate relationship with them.

On one hand I love to see what everyone is up to but on the other hand I’ve realized that my insecurity of comparison creeps in.  And I don’t like that feeling one bit.

Soooooo guess what I did - I stopped following most everyone (sorry guys, nothing personal) & I decided to just follow things that I love…quotes, the news, fishing, cooking, wine, interior decorators, etc etc.

And it totally works for me.

I love that quote - you can become Bitter or Better - you DO have a choice.

I’m trying to teach this to my girls right now - why sit in something that doesn’t work for you when you have the ability to move away from it.

So what’s my point??? Move on! Life is short.

PS - I’ve missed “hunting” for little treasures, so I started a section on my blog (called Behind The Brown Door) where you can find things that I’ve collected or discovered.  Nothing new, just vintage things that I stumble upon that I don’t need so I’ll sell so that I can still hunt!  I hope you enjoy !!

❤️, Courtney

CLICK HERE TO SHOP BEHIND THE BROWN DOOR

Blog #8 - Let Them

Oh my gosh I heard this recently & it’s been a game changer for me. So take any of these scenarios -

Your child doesn’t want to have lunch with you.

Your good friend doesn’t reach out for awhile.

Your co-worker is being short with you.

Your spouse is being quiet.

Instead of trying to fix them - forcing your child to eat with you, telling your friend she or he needs to make more of an effort, being short back to your co-worker or getting angry at your spouse…instead of doing these things try this -

Just LET THEM be where they are. Don’t try to change or force things for your own good.

When you LET THEM be where they are, it’s easier on you - we don’t have control over other people, but we do have control over ourselves - so do yourself a favor & LET OTHERS do as they may.

Hope that speaks to you like it did to me!

Blog #9 - The Simple Things

Maybe it’s me, but when did the “simple things” become so unusual?

Today I saw a woman needlepointing by the water.  I feel like I haven’t seen that in forever.

I saw more people reading actual books than on their phones or computers.

I saw a mom tossing a football to her son.

This is how I remember it, how I remember my youth.

Have we gotten that distanced from the little things?

The little things that matter the most?

Or at least in my eyes…

Being present.

Being still.

Being lost in a book.

Being happy tossing a football.

Why does it seem like the things that are so easy have become harder to reach?

The things that are beyond fulfilling are left unfulfilled?

I know, I know…it’s not always like this but today it really caught my attention.

I thought the least I could do was blog about it & remind all of you & myself to

Strive for the simplicity…after all it will fulfill you the most &

who doesn’t want to be fulfilled?

Hope you have a great weekend!

Blog #10 - An Inside Job

There is someone really close to me that struggles with addiction.

It is beyond hard to watch because no matter what I do, it doesn’t do anything. I have absolutely no control or influence over his decisions. He is in a good place right now which melts my heart & gives me hope, again.

I texted him a few days ago asking what I could do, if anything, to help. And I loved loved his response. He said “Thanks Court, but this is an inside job”.

I’ve been chewing on that phrase all week because isn’t that how most of us have to overcome our struggles? Y’all know how I write a lot about getting older & how my vantage point continues to expand which is so freeing. It also allows you to see things so clearly. I get what he said 1000%.

I could check in on him, I could tell him to try x or y, I could help buy him things to facilitate life but ultimately it comes down to him & as hard as it is to sit around & “wait” I’m probably helping more staying out of it then trying to get involved.

That proverb I’ve heard for as long as I can remember…”If you love something set it free…if it comes back it’s yours, if not, it was never meant to be.” Some truth in that one!

Have a great weekend!

❤️, Courtney

Blog #11 - Grief

So I’ve lost both parents which is the hardest grieving up to this point in my life.

It’s sharp, it’s final & there are no rewind buttons.  AT. ALL.  It’s done.

But there’s a new grieving going on that I’m experiencing too - its slow, subtle, manageable & tends to creep up at all different times, so it’s not consistent.  It’s also an emotion that I think we might have a choice as to how we respond to it…

I was in the grocery store the other day & this man that I have known since I moved to San Antonio.  He has always been larger than life, physically strong, slightly intimidating with an aura of being untouchable.

When I saw him in his wheelchair with his caretaker I felt grief pass by.

My youngest just turned 16, as I watched her drive away by herself I felt grief pass by.

Our dog Lucy has grey eyebrows.  When I look at her now I feel grief pass by.

I see people jogging & it reminds me of the days I could & I feel grief pass by.

In my opinion grief can depress you & hold you back.  But it can also remind you to grab the bull by the horns & enjoy the ride. Which is the reason why I dyed my dog Lucy’s eyebrows & swim laps as much as I can.  Joking on the eyebrows but I just might consider it…🤪

My question is what do you do when grief passes you by??

❤️, Courtney

Blog #12 - Pop The Cork

Well it’s been an interesting week over here.

My husband turned to me the other night and said “What is the matter?  You are wound so tight - what is going on?”

I could feel it too but I didn’t know what was causing it.

And my first reaction was anger towards him (sorry Johnny) for pointing out the obvious that I wasn’t ready to take responsibility for.

Then after some soul searching walks, analyzing with friends, an article I read & a really hard boxing class (not all in one day but over the last week) I realized what it was.

I was trying to control some things I had absolutely no control over.

Isn’t it funny - I know about control, I have felt it, I have avoided it, I’ve been able to spot it but all of a sudden I found myself right back in the middle of it.

And once again I was reminded by the world (and my husband) that it just doesn’t work.

So what’s my point?

Have a spouse, friend or someone you trust shoot you straight, then pop the cork, let the pressure out & move on down the river.

Have a great weekend!

❤️, Courtney

Blog #13 - A Story

I was out of town the last few days with my sister & we met people from all over. I usually like to hole up & be anti social but my sister is the complete opposite & so we ended up spending time with people from all walks of life.

And what I’m walking away with is everyone has a story. Everyone has had struggles, success, failures, questions, answers - you name it.

And I’m learning how important it is to ask others about their story, their journey thru life and how they navigated it.

It’s how we connect.

And it’s how we learn outside of ourselves.

So next time you encounter someone you’re curious about - reach out. Ask questions & get to know them.  It’s beyond rewarding & creates an unspoken bond you’ll always have.

❤️, Courtney

Blog #14 - Acts of Kindness

I ran into a neighbor of mine today at the grocery store.

This woman just makes me smile.

She used to live across the street from me &  has moved but still is in the neighborhood so I don’t see her that much but when I do I always enjoy it.

We caught up a little bit today & as I walked away I couldn’t wait to write about why I’m always happy to see her.

Besides her being just a kind person, years ago she did an act of kindness I’ll never forget.

Almost 18 years ago she brought over the most delicious meal after the arrival of our first daughter.

I was overwhelmed, exhausted & when I saw her walk in with dinner & if my memory serves me right - a bottle of wine, well the gesture just meant the world to me.

Isn’t that funny - that almost 18 years ago someone that I didn’t know at all extended an act of kindness that will not only always be remembered, but also created a little bond that lights up my heart whenever I see her.

My point?? Acts of kindness - big or small - connect us.  So reach out  - a meal, a card, a flower, a text, a phone call, a coffee date - whatever, just do it.  It matters.

Have a great weekend!!!

❤️, Courtney

Blog #15 - Vigor or Venom

I heard a woman speak the other day & I walked away inspired & enthused.

You know as you get older, or maybe you don’t, but as I’ve gotten older I find

Myself gravitating towards people of strength & positivity.

Life is short - why be weak & negative if you can be strong & positive.

Anyway, this woman exuded both of these traits so I was completely captivated.

She was describing a situation & how she reacted to it & she said  “instead of using venom, I chose vigor.”

Ummmmm I’m sorry but how great is that little saying??

I think it is human nature to want to spew venom - I know I can get charged, reactive & bam! My venom has come out instead of using my vigor.

It’s something I inherently don’t admire, but I’m human so it happens.

Anyway, I thought this could be a good little nugget you could store away so next time if you’re in a situation where you could react one of two ways - maybe you’ll turn to vigor instead of venom.

Have a great weekend!!

❤️, Courtney

Blog #16 - Understanding

Went to lunch with my friend today.

She is very well versed on world matters, politics, etc.

I’ve noticed with my personality when it comes to topics that I’m not as well

Caught up on I tend to just listen.

I guess it’s safer that way.

Well today I asked a question & gave my opinion.

My friend disagreed with me.

We went back & forth - her explaining where she was coming from,

me explaining where I was coming from.

I told her I still didn’t understand & that’s when it happened.

She gave an example of a situation that I could relate to & it was an “ahhhh - ha” moment.

It was beautiful.  We both hung in there long enough until we both understood where the other person was coming from.

I’m not necessarily saying it was an agreement, but it was more of an understanding which almost brings a level of respect to the moment.  Does that make sense?

I loved it because I feel like the opposite is happening all around us.  In all different realms of this world we are in.  So my point?  Instead of focusing on agreeing or disagreeing maybe start with understanding.  You might learn something new.  I did.

Have a good weekend!

❤️, Courtney

Blog #7 - Happy or Content

Something strange/wonderful is starting to happen, curious if you’ve experienced it too…

Recently the desire for happiness has morphed into contentment instead.

Don’t get me wrong, I love/want happiness but contentment seems to be more of a foundation, an emotion that stays around longer, it has a “solidity” to it. It’s just appeared recently & I must say I really like it!

I used to associate the word “content” with giving up, giving in. Throwing in the towel so to speak.

But not anymore…

Kind of like clothes - the fun summer dress from Zara is great(happiness) but the Ralph Lauren alligator belt(contentment) that’s the good stuff & it will be around a lot longer.  Does that make sense?

.Happiness for me looks like a child on Christmas - it’s energized, it’s a toothy smile, it’s explosive in a positive way until the day is over & it’s time for bed. It comes & then it goes.

Contentment is a smile without showing teeth.  There’s a peace & longevity that comes with it too.

I don’t know about you but happiness has always been the goal, not contentment.

I’ve never really focused on contentment - it’s always seemed like the distant cousin.

Our society focuses on happiness too, maybe that has been part of it.

Anyway, what’s my point?

Next time you go shopping invest in the belt! No, I’m just kidding.

I think my point is maybe not everything has to be so extreme - kind of like the ocean - surfing a wave or two is a blast, but there is something soothing, almost more reliable about calm waters.

Maybe we can try to enjoy both ❤️